by Yvonne McEwan
Infertility… where do I begin.
You have taken 20 years of my life that I can’t get back. You’ve stolen happy hopeful moments and replaced them with fear, grief, and at moments crippling anxiety. Now when I look back over the last 20 years I wonder if my fertility issues wouldn’t have been so detrimental if doctors hadn’t told me at 22 that I would have a 1 in 16th chance of getting pregnant. I wonder if 20 years of stress and anxiety actually has caused additional damage.
That’s what has been the hardest in this journey. The mental load every day has now turned into the physical load as inflammation is rampant in my body. It’s the emotional rollercoaster for years upon years. It’s the ups and downs, the hopes when my body gives in a little bit and makes me believe well maybe and then the quick let down when you realize after 20 years the odds are stacked up against you.
I would not change this though because it allowed me to experience pregnancy ( with the help of egg donation and IVF) and give birth to my beautiful daughter who is the biggest miracle! So, do I hope I’ll have another? Absolutely! I don’t think that will ever change. That’s what infertility does. It takes away your hopes and dreams but also makes you perseverate on that dream every moment because infertility took my choice away.